Small Stakes Assignment

Original Personal Creedo...

When locked up in the psyche ward, everything is padded, except my thoughts,

They continue to abuse themselves.

I look to the right and I look to the left I envy those on each side.

I look at the others…and how our cheekbones have risen for this very occasion.

I will be here for the next few months, this I know.

We are all “sick” and  “disordered”; therefore none of us feel as alone as we did before entering the double doors.

We look at the nurses who talk amongst themselves about petty things; we look at each other in disgust…we then remember we are only disgusted with ourselves.

Anne looks egg white.

I call her name…

No response.

I yell for the nurses, as they continue talking amongst themselves.

I curse, now they hear me.

There is no heart beat, “code blue”.

I now focus on myself.

I must focus on something else quickly…

I am now accustomed to everyone around me having mental irregular qualities.

I am accustomed to seeing others around the dinner table waiting for the nurses to blink,

Just so they can wipe that butter somewhere their eyes wont see when open.

I am accustomed to being watched while taking a shower and waiting beside the nurses while they measure how much you just pissed.

I am accustomed to the irregular heartbeats.

I am accustomed to fainting.

I am discharged.

I am in recovery.

I relapse.

It haunts me.

This is not life and this I believe.

I continue on my path of recovering, being the most positive I have ever been

Which compared to others sometimes seems not positive at all.

I remember not to compare myself to others because I know it is an act of violence amongst myself.

I believe in recovery although sometimes fail to believe in myself.

I can stay healthy for my friends or my family but know it is most important to stay healthy for me, this I believe.

I want to eventually be a wife, mother, and grandmother. My body is a machine, which I must feed to live. These affirmations keep me in recovery.

I will be the best mother to my children, they will grow to be healthy, and we will tell each other how happy we are to be here together.

This I believe.

I completely changed my personal Creedo. I feel like my original was too dramatic and not necessary. I still like it but would rather keep it for myself. It isn't something I would leave behind for others. My knew revised creedo is more simple but I like it better. I feel it gets more of my beliefs across. 

Final Creedo:

When you feel like going on seems impossible, you must remember your family above all things. If you are ever in a fight with your sisters, remind yourself they are your safety net when everything falls apart.

I believe growing up in a small town has not only instilled in me an accent but also a wonderful kindness.

Even if you’re right, remain humble.

Remember your childhood dreams, even if you are no longer a child.

If given the choice to wear flowers in your hair or diamonds around your neck, always choose flowers.

Beauty isn’t how others view you or how you view yourself. Beauty is in your sense of grace and your ability to always remain genuine. Never compare yourself to others because it is an act of violence amongst yourself. When looking at magazines, remember even the models wish they looked like their pictures.

I want to eventually be a wife, mother, and grandmother. My body is a machine, which I must feed to live. These affirmations keep me in recovery.

Children are happiness, hope, and always seem to say the funniest things.  Remember that being an elementary art teacher won’t buy you the Mercedes but will promise you a life of smiles, which is much better.

When in doubt…yoga it out. Yoga is much more than exercise it is a way of seeing yourself differently.