FINAL ARGUMENTATIVE PAPER


Reflection:

My goodness, this paper by far was the most difficult part of this class. My first draft was all over the place and was lacking in a lot of areas. I feel exhausted just by looking at it. I feel confident in the overall outcome. I received help from a few different people. I took a lot of consideration into what was said on my draft. I rearranged my entire paper, deleted some paragraphs, and added some. I finally feel like my message is being successfully conveyed to my audience.


Original:


English 1102[KA1] 


            Media is very influential in the majority of our lives. Whether it be the clothes we wear, our hairstyle, or what music we listen to, media contributes to our society by setting a standard or a goal for everyone. Society as a whole shares certain customs and beliefs. The way we perceive ourselves has a lot to do with media. In the renaissance [KA2] era from the 1400’s to late 16th century[KA3] , the ideal beauty was voluptuous. By today’s societal standards, voluptuous back then might be considered over-weight now. Soon after the renaissance came the Victorian era, where sexy meant having the smallest waist possible. The 1920’s were a decade of women resembling men. During the 1930’s to the 1950’s women desired the hourglass shape of Marilyn Monroe[KA4] . The 1960’s and each decade after followed with the thinking-thin phenomenon was in full force. With society having such a strong force on how we act, what we wear, and how much we weigh, is it reasonable to assume that society is to blame for the overwhelming rate of eating disorders? [KA5] 
            It isn’t unreasonable to question if media causes eating disorders. If I walked in to the nearest grocery store, I would be sure to find at least a few magazines that have an airbrushed beauty on the front, who looks like she could have a weight of 100 pounds. I could open up any one of these magazines and be sure to find a diet advertisement that promised perfection. I could turn on the television and easily find a commercial that is advertising an “extreme” weight loss supplement[KA6] . Society glorifies those women who munch on carrots all day and are too full to eat dinner. We glorify those women. We buy the magazines and the diet pills that promise perfection. So how could anyone say that media isn’t the cause of eating disorders?
            There are two common types of eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by self-starvation, an unrealistic fear of weight gain, and conspicuous distortion of body image. Bulimia is characterized by binge eating and engaging in inappropriate ways of counteracting the bingeing in order to prevent weight gain. [KA7] There is no sole cause of eating disorders however; numerous studies have been done to show that biological, psychological, and environmental issues play an important role. A deregulation of the Hypothalamus- pituitary-adrenal-axis has been associated with eating disorders. The HPA is a complex process which everyone has that is a major component of eating behavior[KA8] . So, in a case study with several individuals, some suffering from eating disorders while others have healthy eating behaviors the HPA-axis would process differently in each group. While the group who had healthy eating habits ate a meal, their HPA-axis would function regularly. Perhaps, it would send the neurotransmitter epinephrine, which regulates the rewarding property of food. The other group with eating disorders would have neurotransmitters sending signals of anxiety, depression, or failure. In the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Health Disorders (DSM-IV). [KA9] Eating disorders are on axis one and are seen to be comorbid with other disorders along Axis two. For example, one with an eating disorder may have had or could possibly develop OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), which belongs in axis two.             There[KA10]  are varieties of childhood personality traits that are associated with the development of eating disorders. “During adolescence these traits may become intensified due to a variety of physiological and cultural influences such as the hormonal changes associated with puberty, stress related to the approaching demands of maturity and socio-cultural influences and perceived expectations, especially in areas that concern body image (New Medical).” [KA11] Many of these traits are highly heritable such as; openness to experience, extroversion, meticulousness, agreeableness, neuroticism, fear, novelty seeking, Alexithymia, rigidity frontal lobe, obsession, impulsivity, and inferior frontal gyrus.[KA12] 
            Some environmental factors include child abuse of any sort, an environment that is insufficient according to diet, isolation, peer pressure, cultural peer pressure, and parental influence. Notice I did mention cultural peer pressure (media) [KA13] as one of the environmental factors associated with an eating disorder but also notice all the other environmental, biological, and physiological factors that I previously mentioned. This being said, one who is diagnosed with an eating disorder is not promised to have all of the previous symptoms or traits, but is more likely to be associated with the majority of them than less of them.
            This may sound like a bunch of psychobabble, which is why I want to include my experience with Anorexia Nervosa[KA14] . I was diagnosed at the age of thirteen. I can remember being on several diets until no diet was good enough. I can’t pinpoint my diagnosis to any one particular cause, but I can relate it to many. As previously mentioned, a family with anxiety disorders can possibly predispose those in developing an eating disorder. I have a family of five and two of the five suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. I was also diagnosed with depression, which, is related to the neurotransmitter serotonin and the neurotransmitter epinephrine. Serotonin has an affect on inhibitory affect on eating behavior and epinephrine as stated above, regulates the rewarding property of food. As for the personality traits seen in those with an eating disorder I can easily say most relate to my eating disorder. Traits like conscientiousness, neuroticism, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and obsessionality. I am not a meticulous person, but I have shown this principled behavior throughout my recovery. I can remember getting released from the hospital and having my first meal at home. Right after consuming the meal, I felt anxious and out of control. I immediately started cleaning. My family soon learned this was my way of coping with feeling out of control. Neuroticism relates to the thalamus of the brain and refers to an individual’s tendency to become upset or emotional. I can always remember having this irate tendency and believe it to be genetic. As a child I remember my dad working on projects and if the output was not perfect he would become very upset. And it’s strange how this genetic trait as well as others affected my sister and me differently. My sister developed Obsessive Personality Disorder while I developed an eating disorder. By no means am I saying my eating disorder is my parents’ fault, but I do believe certain genetic predispositions had great effect on the development[KA15] . 
            Questions and Comments Relating to My Draft…
1)    I’m worried that I’m all over the place and wouldn’t make sense to the reader.
2)    Do I sound too pretentious or scientific?
3)    I know I have a lot of grammatical errors but am more worried now about the overall flow of the paper.
4)    Should I rearrange the paragraphs or completely get rid of some?
5)    I didn’t know if I should include the personal story but wanted the reader to be able to understand what I was saying in the previous paragraphs. Should I delete it?
I feel like I’m all over the place. I do plan on going to the writing center.

Amy,
I think that you have a good start to your paper, but I do worry a bit about your focus. You may want to try and do a “reverse” outline for the essay so you can pinpoint what you are saying about your main argument in the text. Also, try to think of your main argument as the most important thing in the paper—don’t let your scientific support rule the paper—your thoughts, ideas, and argument are the most important parts and the research should support you—not the other way around.  I think that you could use your personal experience, but you need to show how it supports your main argument about media influencing body image. You have a good story, but you need to make that connection clear for your reader. I think that once you make sure that all of your points go back to your main argument, then you will be able to write from there. Overall, I think that you have a solid start and I look forward to reading your final draft. KA

 [KA1]Please make sure that you visit Purdue OWL for MLA formatting guidelines on the heading, title, and page numbers.
 [KA2]Capitalize
 [KA3]You need continuity here. If you are using 16th century, then you should have 15th century for 1400s OR if you are using 1400s, then you need to use 1500s for 16th century.
 [KA4]I like that you are showing the progression of the beauty ideal here, but I am getting bogged down with all of the numbers and years. Is there another way that you could get this point across without using all of the numbers?
 [KA5]Are you making the argument that it is? I think that would be better as your thesis statement. Remember that a thesis statement should be an assertion rather than a question.
 [KA6]I really like these specific examples that you are giving, but could you rewrite it from a third person/objective perspective since it’s a more formal paper?
 [KA7]Where did you get these definitions? Even if they are paraphrased, you need to cite your sources.
 [KA8]CITE YOUR SOURCES
 [KA9]? Is this your citation? Please check Purdue OWL on how to create in-text citations.
 [KA10]Should you create a new paragraph here?
 [KA11]Any quote that is four lines or more should appear as a block quote. Please see Purdue OWL for instructions.
 [KA12]Where are you getting this information and what are you doing with it? You should spend a couple sentences (at least) at the end of each point or example demonstrating your thoughts and showing how it connects to your main argument.
 [KA13]I’m confused with what you are talking about here.
 [KA14]Even though you are about to give a personal experience, you still want to avoid authorial narration (telling the reader what you are about to do using I) in a research paper. Is there another way to introduce it?
 [KA15]It would strengthen your argument if you showed how media may have affected you. If you are using your personal experience, then you have to show how that experience offers support of your main point: that the media influences society’s understanding of thin.
 [KA16]Does this go too much against your main argument?
 [KA17]I really like your writing here. Good job!








Amy VanDeventer

Professor Kendra Andrews
English 1102
December 10 2012

The True Impact Media has on Eating Disorders
With society having such a strong force on how we act, what we wear, and how much we weigh, is it reasonable to assume that society is to blame for the overwhelming rate of eating disorders? Whether it be the clothes we wear, our hairstyle, or what music we listen to, media contributes to our society by setting a standard or a goal for everyone. There is no sole cause of eating disorder, but numerous studies have been done to show that biological, psychological, and environmental issues play an important role. To leave any one factor out would misconstrue what an eating disorder actually is.
            There are two most common types of eating disorders, Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa. Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by self-starvation, unrealistic fear of weight gain, and conspicuous distortion of body image. Bulimia is characterized by binge eating and engaging in inappropriate ways of counteracting the bingeing in order to prevent weight gain. With both Bulimia and Anorexia a deregulation of the Hypothalamus- pituitary-adrenal-axis has been associated with eating disorders. The HPA axis is a part of the brain which controls reactions to stress and regulates many body processes, including mood, stress and digestion. When eating a meal, a person who has an eating disorder the HPA-axis is going to react differently than someone who has healthy eating behavior. A person who has an eating disorder may have neurotransmitters sending signals of anxiety, depression or failure. (“Gale Encyclopedia of Children's Health”)
            Media is very influential in the majority of our lives. Society as a whole shares certain customs and beliefs. The way we perceive ourselves has a lot to do with media. In the Renaissance era from the, the ideal beauty was voluptuous. By today’s societal standards, voluptuous back then might be considered over-weight now. Soon after the renaissance came the Victorian era, where sexy meant having the smallest waist possible. The 1960’s and each decade after followed with the thinking-thin phenomenon was in full force.
            It isn’t unreasonable to question if media causes eating disorders. If one walked in to the nearest grocery store it would be easy to find at least a few magazines that have an airbrushed beauty on the front, which looks like she could have a weight of 100 pounds. Any of those magazines would open up to promise perfection. One could turn on the television and easily find a commercial that is advertising an “extreme” weight loss supplement. Society glorifies those women who munch on carrots all day and are too full to eat dinner. Society glorifies these women and buys the magazines and the diet pills that promise perfection. So how could anyone say that media isn’t the cause of eating disorders?
            Aside from media there are varieties of childhood personality traits that are associated with the development of eating disorders. “During adolescence these traits may become intensified due to a variety of physiological and cultural influences such as the hormonal changes associated with puberty, stress related to the approaching demands of maturity and socio-cultural influences and perceived expectations, especially in areas that concern body image (New Medical).” When someone experiences puberty his or her life changes as well as his or her body. This is difficult for many teens but especially difficult for those with eating disorders. Many of these traits are highly heritable such as; openness to experience, extroversion, meticulousness, agreeableness, neuroticism, fear, novelty seeking, Alexithymia, rigidity frontal lobe, obsession, impulsivity, and inferior frontal gyrus. (“Gale Encyclopedia of Children's Health”)
            Some environmental factors include child abuse of any sort, an environment that is insufficient according to diet, isolation, peer pressure, cultural peer pressure, and parental influence. While the media has an influence on eating disorders, these factors combined leave a person much more susceptible for an eating disorder. This being said, one who is diagnosed with an eating disorder is not promised to have all of the previous symptoms or traits, but is more likely to be associated with the majority of them than less of them. (“Gale Encyclopedia of Children's Health”)
            My personal experience with an eating disorder further explains the significance of the relationship of external and internal factors relating to eating disorders. I was diagnosed at the age of thirteen. I can remember being on several diets until no diet was good enough. I can’t pinpoint my diagnosis to any one particular cause but I can relate it to many. As previously mentioned, a family with anxiety disorders can possibly predispose those in developing an eating disorder. I have a family of five and two of the five suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. I was also diagnosed with depression, which, is related to the neurotransmitter serotonin and the neurotransmitter epinephrine. Serotonin has an affect on inhibitory affect on eating behavior and epinephrine as stated above, regulates the rewarding property of food. As for the personality traits seen in those with an eating disorder I can easily say most relate to my eating disorder. Traits like conscientiousness, neuroticism, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and obsessionality. I am not a meticulous person but I have shown this principled behavior throughout my recovery. I can remember getting released from the hospital and having my first meal at home. Right after consuming the meal, I felt anxious and out of control. I immediately started cleaning. My family soon learned this was my way of coping with feeling out of control. Neuroticism relates to the thalamus of the brain and refers to an individual’s tendency to become upset or emotional. I can always remember having this irate tendency and believe it to be genetic. As a child I remember my dad working on projects and if the output was not perfect he would become very upset. And it’s strange how this genetic trait as well as others affected my sister and me differently. My sister developed Obsessive Personality Disorder while I developed an eating disorder. By no means am I saying my eating disorder is my parents’ fault, but I do believe certain genetic predispositions had great effect on the development. I do recall media having a small impact on my eating disorder, regardless it still impacted me. Growing up with two older sisters meant following in their footsteps. My oldest sister would get fashion magazines to read as well as my mom. In 7th grade I cared little about who was on the cover of vogue or people and cared less about who was size two in Hollywood. But these magazines and advertisements were accustomed to me. Those magazines were always in my house, and those women became normal to me. When I saw my mom ripping out diet ads I soon realized that she didn’t look like the models in the magazine. She wasn’t a size two and looked nothing the women on the cover of vogue. She wanted to change, and so did I. My mom however, didn’t develop an eating disorder. I did.
            It is hard to deny that culture standards and media don’t have any affect on eating disorders but media is certainly not the sole cause. “ If Media caused eating disorders, I think half the country would have a diagnosable eating disorder (Brown).” As a society we all “consume” unattainable ideas of beauty and what is attractive. These images affect everyone as a whole. Women, men, and children are barraged by advertisements and unrealistic ideals on a daily basis. It’s up to us to navigate through these unrealistic goals, to know what’s healthy and what isn’t. Eating disorders don’t affect the entire population but advertisements do.














Works Cited




"Anorexia Nervosa." Encyclopedia. Gale Encyclopedia of Children's Health, n.d.
     Web.18 Nov 2012.

This source is strictly encyclopedia based. It defines what an eating disorder is, gives demographics, symptoms, and influences. It list the DSM criteria for an eating disorder, which is necessary for a doctor to consider when diagnosing a patient with this illness. This source also offers key terms related to eating disorders and defines them in alphabetical order. This source is helpful by clarifying a clear and concise definition of what an eating disorder is and list other terms and criteria that are critical of an eating disorder.



Brown, Harriet. "Brave Girl Eating." Psychology Today. Psychology Today
     Web. 20 Nov 2012.


This particular article suggests that media is not the sole cause of eating disorders. Harriet Brown identifies that eating disorders are, “highly biologically mediated”.  She backs up her theory by suggesting that if media caused eating disorders than half the country could be suitably diagnosed. She recognizes that the medias idea of unattainable beauty does have great affect on society but claims that this isn’t the cause of eating disorders. The greatest strength in this essay would be that the author recognizes that media can cause disordered thoughts of one’s self but isn’t the cause of a serious illness.


Erickson, Latha. "Body-image pressure inundates teen girls." CNN Health. CNN Health,
     15 2007. Web. 17 Nov 2012.

This article on body image by Latha Erickson comments on mass media peer pressure, society, and the father’s role. She cites several sources in this article, one being the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services studies have found that having a strong father figure can help boost a girl’s confidence. Latha Erikson frames the father’s role in a young girls life to be crucial in developing into a confident woman. This article doesn’t ever mention eating disorders but is important because it illustrates the power of culture and media.


 "What Causes Eating Disorders." News-Medical. New-Medical.
     Web. 17 Nov 2012.

This article offers a more medical perspective of what actually causes an eating disorder. The author is able to break down different causes of an eating disorder ranging from biological, psychological, and environmental. The author illustrates that some people have had another previous disorder, which increases their vulnerability or comorbidity of developing an eating disorder. This article is extremely beneficial in understanding eating disorders. It recognizes media as an environmental cause but is able to examine more critical and genetic predisposition influences that are scientifically known to cause an eating disorder.

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